you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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