it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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