I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize