He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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