oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
