I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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