Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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