And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
