hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
