do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
