Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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