guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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