no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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