Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
