i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
