im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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