Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
