Redeem this text for a blowjob
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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