The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
