Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
