I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need water and some morals
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
