i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize