Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
