please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize