And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
