He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
