The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
