hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize