idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
