Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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