if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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