You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
