He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize