I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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