Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
