we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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