honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
