I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
