So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
