Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Randomize
