I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
