yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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