Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
