paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
are you so shy because you have an std?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
