I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
