I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
