I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
