I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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