All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
