He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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