I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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