You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
