Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
