i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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