she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
