It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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