I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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