I didn't shave. On purpose
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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