Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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