I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
