Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
