yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
