garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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