I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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