even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
