We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
