yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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