Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
