Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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