dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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